Life of Cyprian 18

And as he came out of the doors of the praetorium, a crowd of soldiers went with him as escort; and, lest anything be lacking in his passion, centurions and tribunes guarded his side. The place where he suffered is a valley, so that, with trees thick on every side, it offers a lofty view. But since the sight was denied by the great extent of the space, or by the very confused crowd, his well-wishers had climbed into the branches of the trees, so that even this should not be denied him, to be watched from trees like Zacchaeus. And now, having bound his eyes with his own hands, he tried to hasten the delay of the executioner, whose office is the sword, and who, with his right hand failing, was barely circling the sword with trembling fingers, until the hour of glorification, ripe for accomplishing the death of the precious man, firmed the centurion's hand with strength granted from above and at last released its powers. O blessed people of the church, who suffered with their bishop in such a way, with eyes and feelings alike and, what is more, with voice openly raised, and who, as they had always heard him preaching, were crowned by God as judge! For although what their common wishes desired could not come to pass, that the whole people should suffer together in the fellowship of equal glory, yet whoever wished from the heart to suffer under the eyes of Christ who watched and in the hearing of the bishop, sent to God, as it were, a letter of embassy through a fit witness of his desire. With his passion so completed, it came about that Cyprian, who had been an example of all good things, was also the first in Africa to dye priestly crowns, because he had also begun to be the first after the apostles to be such. For from the time that the order of bishops is reckoned at Carthage, no one is recorded, even among the good men and priests, to have come to martyrdom. Although devotion always bound over to God is counted as martyrdom in consecrated men, yet Cyprian also went forward to the perfect crown, the Lord bringing it to completion, so that in the very city in which he had lived in such a way, and in which he had first done many illustrious deeds, he was also the first to adorn the insignia of the heavenly priesthood with glorious blood. What shall I do here? Between joy at his passion and grief at remaining, my mind is divided, and a double feeling burdens my too narrow breast. Shall I grieve that I was not his companion? But his victory must be celebrated in triumph. Shall I celebrate his victory? But I grieve that I am not his companion. Yet to you I must confess simply what you also know, that this was my state of mind. I exult much, and very much, in his glory; but I grieve still more that I was left behind.