On Patience 10

There is another supreme goad of impatience, the lust for revenge, which attends to the business either of glory or of malice. But glory is everywhere vain, and malice always hateful to the Lord; in this case most of all, when, provoked by another's malice, it sets itself up as superior in carrying out revenge, and, repaying wickedness, doubles what was done once. Revenge, in the view of error, seems a solace of grief; in the view of truth, it is convicted as a contest in malignity. For what difference is there between provoker and provoked, except that the one is caught first in wrongdoing, and the other later? Yet each is guilty, for injuring a man, before the Lord, who both forbids and condemns all wickedness. In wrongdoing no account is taken of order, nor does position separate what likeness joins. Like deeds have like deserts. So it is absolutely commanded that evil is not to be repaid for evil. How shall we observe this if, in our disdain, we do not disdain revenge? And what honor shall we offer to the Lord God if we arrogate to ourselves the decision of defending ourselves? We, rotten, earthen vessels! When our slaves take revenge on their fellow slaves, we are gravely offended; and those who have offered us their patience, mindful of the humility of their servitude, loving their master's honor, we not only approve but make them fuller satisfaction than they would have presumed for themselves. Is this at risk for us with a Lord so just in judging, so powerful in accomplishing? He promises us this, saying, “Vengeance is mine, and I will avenge,” that is: “Patience is yours, and I will reward patience.” For when he says, “Do not judge, that you be not judged,” does he not demand patience? For who will not judge another except one who is patient enough not to defend himself? Why, then, do we believe him a judge if not also an avenger? Who judges in order to pardon? And if he does pardon, still he will have guarded against the impatience of one who judges, and taken away the honor of the only Judge. And how many mishaps of this kind impatience is accustomed to run into! How often has one repented of defending oneself! How often has its vehemence been found worse than its causes! Since nothing undertaken by impatience knows how to be accomplished without violence, and nothing done with violence fails either to offend or to collapse or to rush headlong. Now, if you defend yourself too lightly, you will rage; if too fully, you will be burdened. What have I to do with revenge, whose measure I cannot control through impatience of grief? But if I rest on patience, I will not grieve; if I do not grieve, I will not desire to be avenged.