On Repentance 6

Whatever, then, our poor ability has tried to suggest for taking up repentance once for all and holding to it forever concerns indeed all who are given to the Lord, as all are seekers of salvation in winning God's favor; but it presses especially on those novices who are just now beginning to have their ears watered with divine words, and who, like puppies of still recent birth whose eyes are not yet fully open, crawl about uncertainly, and say indeed that they renounce their former things and take up repentance, but neglect to complete it. For the very end of desiring tempts them to desire something of their former things, as fruits, when they are already beginning to grow old into sourness or bitterness, still in some part flatter their own charm. Besides, the presumption of baptism brings in every fault of delay and evasion regarding repentance. For, sure of an undoubted pardon of their sins, they meanwhile steal the time in between and make it for themselves a furlough for sinning rather than a training in not sinning. And how foolish to expect pardon of sins for a repentance one has not completed! That is to reach out a hand for the goods without paying the price. For the Lord has determined to make over pardon at this price; he offers impunity to be purchased by this payment of repentance. If, then, sellers first test the coin with which they strike the bargain, to see that it is not clipped or shaved or counterfeit, we believe that the Lord too first makes trial of our repentance, since he is to grant us so great a reward, namely eternal life. “But let us put off for a while the reality of repentance; it will be clear then, I suppose, that we are amended, when we are absolved.” By no means. It is while the pardon is still pending, while punishment is in prospect, while one does not yet deserve to be freed, so that we may be able to deserve it; while God threatens, not when he forgives. For what slave, once changed by freedom, charges himself with his thefts and runaways? What soldier, once discharged from his camp, troubles himself about his black marks? The sinner must weep for himself before pardon, because the time of repentance is the same as the time of danger and fear. Nor do I deny that the divine benefit, that is, the abolition of sins, is by all means secure for those who are to enter the water; but one must work to succeed in reaching it. For who will grant to you, a man of so faithless a repentance, a single sprinkling of any water whatever? It is easy, indeed, to approach it by stealth and to get round the one in charge of this matter by your assurances; but God takes care of his treasure and does not allow the unworthy to creep in. What, in short, does he say? “Nothing is hidden that will not be revealed.” However much darkness you build over your deeds, God is light. Some think, however, as if God were bound to grant even to the unworthy what he has promised, and they make his generosity a servitude. But if he grants us the symbol of death by necessity, then he does it unwillingly. And who allows what he has granted unwillingly to remain permanent? For do not many fall away afterwards? Is not that gift taken away from many? These, of course, are the ones who creep in, who, having undertaken the faith of repentance, set a house that will fall on sand. So let no one flatter himself because he is counted among the recruits of the hearers, as if on that account he were still permitted to sin. As soon as you have come to know the Lord, you should fear him; as soon as you have looked on him, you should revere him. Otherwise what difference does it make that you have come to know him, when you cling to the same things as when you were ignorant? And what separates you from the perfected servant of God? Is there one Christ for the baptized and another for the hearers? Is there another hope or reward, another dread of judgment, another necessity of repentance? That washing is the sealing of faith, and that faith is begun and commended by the faith of repentance. We are not washed in order to stop sinning, but because we have stopped, since we have already been washed in heart. For this is the first baptism of the hearer: fear made whole. From then on, as long as you have perceived the Lord, sound faith and a conscience that has embraced repentance once for all. Otherwise, if we stop sinning only from the waters, we put on innocence by necessity, not of our own will. Who then excels in goodness? He who is not allowed to be evil, or he to whom it is displeasing? He who is ordered, or he who delights, to be free of crime? Then let us not keep our hands from theft unless the hardness of bolts resists us, nor restrain our eyes from lusts for debauchery unless we are dragged off by the guardians of bodies, if no one given to the Lord will stop sinning unless bound by baptism. If anyone thinks this, I do not know whether, once baptized, he will be more saddened that he has stopped sinning than glad that he has escaped. So hearers should desire baptism, not presume on it. For he who desires honors it; he who presumes is proud. In the one appears modesty, in the other insolence. The one is diligent, the other neglectful. The one longs to deserve it, the other promises it to himself as a debt. The one takes it, the other seizes it. Whom would you judge more worthy, if not the one more amended? Whom more amended, if not the more fearful, and so the one who has performed true repentance? For he was afraid to go on sinning, lest he should not deserve to receive. But the presumptuous man, promising it to himself, being, of course, secure, could not fear; so neither did he fulfill repentance, since he lacked the instrument of repentance, that is, fear. Presumption is a part of shamelessness: it puffs up the petitioner and despises the giver. And so it sometimes deceives. For it promises to itself before it is due, and by this the one who is to grant it is always offended.